Another gorgeous day here. With the doors and windows opened, it is absolutely refreshing. The dogs are getting better about barking at every leaf that blows by the front door. Now they just bark at the neighbors, kids walking on the sidewalk, the mail person, UPS guy, big trucks, motorcycles and other dogs strolling by. The male dog is kind enough to run into the backyard when he starts barking. The female stands right at the door and continues until I give her the 'quiet' command. I know they are protecting us from harm but....it can be annoying at times. Like, when we are on a phone call. They are still my joy and comfort and I would not want them any other way.
I started this on Monday:
The past few days I have become very melancholy. My mom has been on my mind almost continually and I have no idea as to why. It is still 6 weeks away from the 1st anniversary of her passing. Maybe it is all the fall activities that I am doing alone, that we shared for the 10 years she lived here. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and tell her about what we are doing and reminisce about when we did it together and all the fun we had. My mind keeps going back to the fact I was not with her when she passed away. Was she afraid? Did she ask for me? Why didn't anyone call me to tell me they were taking her to the hospital? I found out from my niece who saw them putting her in an ambulance. Feelings of guilt surround me. I should have ignored her Doctor's order of "do not go to the hospital because of all the flu". I do realize, even if I had gone to the hospital, by the time I got there she would have been gone. I believe in an afterlife. I believe in Heaven. I believe my Christian mom is living in Heaven with all the angels and saints. I believe she is free from a body that was not working. I believe she is singing and dancing and praising God. I believe my hurting heart will heal. I believe she knows how much I love her. I believe..........................
Until next time..............................happy crafting!
Marsha, sending hugs. :) I believe in an afterlife too. You said you didn't know why you were melancholy about missing your mom...but then you expressed why so eloquently. It's very normal. We never stop missing them...but it gets easier over time right? Enjoy each moment...I know that feeling of guilt, but it's really a terribly wasteful feeling to have. Hard to let go of, but do try. Live your best life xx
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have your faith or you would be lost. I always look for 'signs' and I got a lot when my parents passed. It was very comforting. I am sure she is with you and would not want you to be sad. But grief hangs on especially when you were so close. Sleep well tonight and sweet dreams.
ReplyDelete((Hugs)), friend. This is such a sweet post. I had so many unanswered and unanswerable questions like that (yet different) when both my parents died. I suspect we have different experiences when we lose a loved one. I don't know how long it was before I stopped seeing my mom in someone else after she passed. It was a little disconcerting, but at the same time, comforting. I considered those surprising little glimpses a gift. Peace, friend.
ReplyDeleteMy friend writes in a journal to her sister who passed from cancer. Maybe doing something like that will help you get things off of your mind?
ReplyDelete